I could barely put it down and once things got rolling, I was glued to it and stayed up until I was finished. Sleeping husband even rolled over in his sleep to hug me. OMG I was wrecked. The emotion was building and building and then my anger turned to devastation. And in my absolute agony, I was delighted.
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Can you be physically ill from a broken heart? Because it hurts. So much. I feel dirty. But after today he will be free of me.
He will be free of me once he knows the truth. What have I done? As we are saying our goodbyes, someone disguised as a lion approaches us needing to speak to him about work.
Excusing himself, Ben follows lion man and gets lost in a sea of masked strangers. End it now. Come back with me. Call him on our way to my apartment. I shake my head and pull myself away from his hold. I need to end it the right way, Arsen.
Now, please, stop it. I can still smell him on my skin, on my clothes, taste the cigarette he had smoked before…Arsen is everywhere. He is on me. Inside me. Around me. I know I have to go home and somehow manage to come clean with Ben.
My sweet, sweet husband. He deserves to know the truth. I need to get out of here. When Ben sees me walking towards him, he stands up. Frowning, he watches my clothes, my hair, my every move. It makes me think that he already knows.
I want to get things over with. I wonder how much he knows, and if he will hate me once he learns the truth. There are two warring parts of me in this whole fiasco. The Cathy who loves him wants to take him in her arms and beg for forgiveness, promising him that it meant nothing. Now it means something. We ride together in the car in silence. He has an arm around my shoulders for the entire ride, sometimes leaning his cheek on top of my head, sometimes kissing my hair, inhaling the smell of it…I want to drown in the current of tenderness flowing between us, but what if he can smell Arsen on me?
I keep my head reclined on his shoulders with our hands linked together. It is uncomfortable with the console between us, but that is the last thing on my mind—I just need to feel him close.
Looking at our hands intertwined makes me feel as if I am being sucked into a black hole of sorrow and pain. I know with certainty that this is going to be the last time Ben and I ride in his car together like this. I lift my head and look out the window for a moment.
The moon looks red tonight. After turning the lights on, he lowers his body and embraces me in a hug so fierce in its nature that it leaves me breathless and a little shaken.
When he opens his eyes to look down at me, he shatters me. But I already have. Returning the hug, I stand on my tip-toes and kiss his chin as I feel a full blown panic attack coming on. I can do this. Talk to him tomorrow. Will the guilt of what I have done wash off too? I doubt it.
It boggles my mind. The last thing I want to do in what will be our last night together is make small talk. I just want to watch him. Memorize the patterns of his dark stubble, the way his dimple peeks at me every time he chews, begging me to kiss it. After I help Ben remove the dishes from the table, I start to wash them.
The hot water burning my hands is a welcome relief. Nothing like physical pain to numb you. Letting go of the dish, and wiping the soap on my yoga pants, I bring one hand behind his neck, pulling his face closer to the curve of my neck as my other hand rests on top of his on my stomach. With my back against his front, we sway to the gentle rhythm of the music…slowly…tenderly.
Ben kisses my neck, my hair, behind my ear, showering me with kisses that feel final. The knot in my throat keeps getting bigger and bigger until tears fall down my cheeks. Treacherous tears. I just want to get lost in his touch, in his warmth, in him for one last time. When the song ends, I turn around as Ben lets go of my body.
Bending down, he lifts me with ease into his arms. Saying nothing to each other, I put my arms around his neck, and rest my head on his shoulder as I inhale deeply into my lungs, trying to absorb his smell.
He can feel it too. Our last night. Our grand finale. What I see punches me in the gut, leaving me speechless. Not tonight. Let us…let me just kiss you.
I want to tell him that it will continue to be him forever, but that would be a lie. Ben lowers his forehead to press against mine. I feel the moisture from his tears, my tears, our tears.
He bends down to kiss my lips, my eyes, my temples, my nose. I try doing the same as my arms and legs wrap fiercely around his body. I want to consume him, absorb his body in mine and keep him that way. Just the two of us, filling each other, surrounding each other. Holding both my hands over my head, he looks down at me as he slowly and gently slides inside me.
He looks so lost, so hurt, so vulnerable…it is so tender, so sweet, and so painful. I love you.
Book Review – Arsen by Mia Asher
Looking down at his dark head, I watch him as he lifts my light cashmere sweater, exposing my flat stomach to him, and gently and carefully leans over to softly place a tender kiss on the same spot where three babies have grown and died. This poignant moment, so full of love and hope, feels like a new beginning. A second chance for us. Clearing his throat, Ben comes out of his shock. We need to call Dr. Pajaree first thing tomorrow.
[PDF] Arsen: A Broken Love Story Book by Mia Asher Free Download (484 pages)
My feelings are just too all over the place. It basically seemed like the polar opposite of what I might love and truthfully, in a way, it was. So hear me out and see if maybe this book might be for you. I think every reader will just have to decide for themselves on this one. There was no way I was going into this one blind but all the insanely high ratings had my curiosity peaked. So, she told me everything and knowing those details pushed me over the edge and made me decided to give this book a shot.
Arsen: A Broken Love Story
Arsen – Uma Quebrada História de Amor – Mia Asher